| dreams |
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| 12:48pm 25/11/2005 |
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i absolutely love to dream.
over the past few weeks ive had dreams about john, where we're just laying there together. the dreams are not sexual in any way and they dont make me think im still in love with him or anything. i just wake up and feel totally at peace.
i just woke up from a really nice dream about paulie. they just make you wake up and feel really good... |
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| 03:45am 02/10/2005 |
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everyone is always searching for an answer - the "why?" sometimes there is no answer. there is no reason why. things just happen, people just feel certain ways, things begin, things end, repeat, stop, come back around. thats life. people do things bc they feel like it...human nature ;) we live to survive. there is no deeper meaning.
i do whatever i feel is right. i try to go with the flow but sometimes it isnt that easy.
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in some ways hes so amazing. it bothers me to know that there are so many things about him that will just never be. the way we get along and the things we have in common just arent enough to balance out the inconsiderate things he does. even if hes not doing them deliberately or to hurt me he still does it. its the way he is and it will never change.
it blows when we have a night like we did last week. he was so affectionate and caring. it was his way of saying he was sorry. i try to understand the type of person he is but then i listen to what other people say and it makes me think twice. is it really bc he has issues? or is he just lonely and thats why he wont let me go?
he seemed shocked a few months ago when i told him i liked him more when hes not high. he asked why and i told him that its bc hes not numb. i make a big deal out of my relationship with him and i dont know why...he doesnt give me much to hold on to... |
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| 10:49pm 25/08/2005 |
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i miss my kitten. :(
god im so delirious. tylenols not working. i should have stuck with the advil. blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........... |
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| 09:38am 25/08/2005 |
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so im sick with 103 fever. its only been like the past year and a half that when i get sick i get an obscenely high fever. blahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
my poor paulie has to move out of his apartment. cant anything ever go right for him?
this shirt was too funny not to buy. i went to Amsterjam on Randall's Island saturday. finally got to see my CHILI PEPPERS live!!!! i got my ass right up to the front with not a person in front of me. love it. |
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| 01:31am 18/08/2005 |
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i have NO IDEA how to understand if i love somebody. i wish i knew.
is worrying about someone, wanting to make sure they're ok and happy, and loving the time you spend with them love? maybe not. i think being able to fall in love comes with experience and time. but how do you know when you're ready?
i guess when you're completely comfortable with yourself.
any thoughts? |
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| who made PAGE 6 today? oh shit its me... |
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| 09:28pm 08/08/2005 |
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SIGHTINGS . . . SIGHTINGS
JARED Leto shooting daggers with his eyes at a female fan who ran up to him on West 57th Street and screamed: " 'My So-Called Life' is my favorite show in the world!" . . . |
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| i met JORDAN CATALANO!!! |
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| 12:24pm 04/08/2005 |
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so i saw fucking jared leto yesterday coming out the howard stern building. so i start yelling "MY SO CALLED LIFE!!!!" then i walk over to him and say "i know u dont want to hear this but my so called life is still my favorite show in the whole world." he looked like he wanted to spit on me and just said "oh yeah." but his guitar player was checkin me out hahahaha. |
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| 09:08pm 25/07/2005 |
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my tooth and gum feels like someone stabbed it about 1,000 times. fucking shit. i got the root canal done like six weeks ago and she couldnt put the cap on it on saturday because there was "debris" where the temporary filling was. im in pain. stab me somewhere else. the right side of my brain and jaw hurt too.
oh and i got my period for the first time this year. |
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| 12:20pm 16/07/2005 |
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great book...
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| fun fun fun |
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| 08:30am 15/07/2005 |
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i usually hate these things but im bored. lets see if anyone fills it out...
Here IS A SURVEY WITH A TWIST - YOU fill in the blanks about ME and
send it
back to ME and ONLY ME. But FIRST, send a BLANK one to all your
friends,
including ME, so they can return the favor to YOU. BE HONEST, they're
really cool to get back. You might find something you missed before.
1. My name:
2. Where did we meet?
3. Take a stab at my middle name:
4. How long have you known me?
5. When is the last time we saw each other?
6. Do I smoke?
7. Do I believe in God?
8. When you first saw me what was your impression?
9. Month of my Birthday?
10. Color hair?
11. Color eyes?
12. Do I have any siblings?
13. What's one of my favorite things to do outdoors?
14. What's one of my favorite things to do indoors?
15. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?
16. What's my favorite type of music?
17. What is the best feature about me ?
18. Am I shy or outgoing?
19. Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic?
20. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?
21. Would you call me hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something
else?
22. Have you ever seen me cry?
23. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?
24. If I had broccoli stuck in my teeth would you tell me? |
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| 09:00pm 12/07/2005 |
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my friend pjay was away for a month. we got a little trashed last night. somehow i made it to work today and did a damn good job. phewww...
oh yeah and i got a new tattoo :)
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| 02:43am 14/06/2005 |
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thanks you little piece of dog shit. how silly of me that i thought we had a real friendship. i treated you like i would any other one of my very good friends. i thought we were close, but obviously you had other plans for me huh? feeling guilty are you? well keep calling both of us and wondering why we're not answering or calling you back. just like i had to feel like a complete asshole for an entire week after you decided to be the immature little 24 year old boy that you are. i wont even give you the dignaty of being angry or yelling at you or ever telling you how much i feel that you had absolutely no regard for our friendship.
you trashed my name which really doesnt make a big difference to the people who really know me anyway. you cant get over your own insecurties which actually makes me feel very sorry for you. you dragged me through the mud and sold me down the river. you tried to damage me but what you dont realize is that when you force something to happen it will always pan out. the truth always comes out and whats meant to happen will happen.
i should actually be thanking you for making another relationsip a hundred times stronger. and for making it that much easier for us to write you off... |
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| last dance with maryjane |
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| 11:03pm 03/06/2005 |
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ive forgotten how much i loved dominique swain. and james king. and rose mcgowan. and bijou phillips...lolita, girl, the new best friend, tart...all these strange starlets.
ive fogotten how to cry.
i'm off to San Fran and LA LA Land. be back in a week! |
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| 12:30am 03/06/2005 |
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are you a slut because of the things you do or because of the way people perceive you?
i say the latter... |
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| you cant be mad because of this. |
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| 02:38pm 30/05/2005 |
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I got dosed by you and
Closer than most to you and
What am I supposed to do
Take it away I never had it anyway
Take it away and everything will be okay
In you a star is born and
You cut a perfect form and
Someone forever warm
Lay on lay on lay on lay on
Lay on lay on lay on lay on
Way upon the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can’t hide
All I ever wanted was your life
Show love with no remorse and
Climb on to your seahorse and
This ride is right on corse
This is the way I wanted it to be with you
This is the way that I knew that it would be with you
Lay on lay on lay on lay on
Lay on lay on lay on lay on
Way upon the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can’t hide
All I ever wanted was your life
I got dosed by you and
Closer than most to you and
What am I supposed to do
Take it away I never had it anyway
Take it away and everything will be okay
Way upon the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can’t hide
All I ever wanted was your life |
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| 09:36pm 18/05/2005 |
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http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/results.cfm?d=1&colors=25314067&name=&email=
You are striving to make favorable impressions all of the time and you are going out of your way to make the impression that you are something special. You are constantly on the watch to see how your friends and neighbors are reacting to your various ploys. But this is so unnecessary because most of the time you are in control of the situation - and you are, in the nicest sense of the word, a 'manipulator' because you use various strategies very cleverly in order to influence and obtain the necessary recognition.
Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbors and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.
You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realizing your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.
Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.
You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material. |
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| 11:26pm 16/05/2005 |
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oh yeah and i got promoted today :) and another raise (just asked for one, which i got two weeks ago). funny how life balances out...
We are pleased to announce that Jen has promoted to an Account Executive
.......... congratulations. Jen!
Jen will be handling a number of Marie's current clients. Eric is
facilitating the communication re: new assignments to our staff, as well
as to the clients themselves, and will advise the staff and distribute a
new roster reflecting these new assignments, later today or tomorrow. |
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| 03:40am 16/05/2005 |
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great...
you want trent reznors autograph
i don't think we should talk anymore
why
let's leave it at that
can u call me
no
call for your stuff
what happened
good bye
signed off at 6:31 P.M. |
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gurlie106's journal
